“I was wondering if I could shape this passion just as I wanted in solid fire…If the wound of the wind on my face would be healed by the work of my life…If the roots that spread out in the swamp ran too deep for the issuing flower…If all the population of stars would be less than the things I utter. And the challenge of space in my soul be filled by the shape I become.” –Excerpts of Shape and Motion One by Martin Carter
The words of this poem touched me in a way that I was not prepared for on this 4th day of October, in this fall of 2009.
It has been such a beautiful day today, outside and inside. I had a wonderfully productive planning meeting with a girlfriend of mine as we embark on our first musical production together. “Musical production” sounds so fancy. LOL! I think I feel more comfortable with calling it a show. ha! But back to the poem, I was blessing my commode (sorry about the honesty, but I get some of best inspirations in there), and I decided to take this book “The Oxford Book of Caribbean Verse”, with me on my journey of cleansing. Ha! I turned to the page that I had folded, God knows how long ago, and started reading, and each word sent me swimming in a sea of thoughts and emotions that have plagued me my ENTIRE life!
I have always felt an uncanny feeling of passion for so many things and so many people. It is frustrating and almost a feeling of being an alien. Like I was mixed up with the other spirit that was supposed to be sent here. I have such a heavy sense of …. no a necessity to do. To do something great, and substantive and revolutionary and right and real … for everybody and every creation of the Creator. It can be very overwhelming and very raw! A passion for … life? … Love? … justice? I don’t know. Or I do. Its all of it and more. I feel full in this idea, this possibility to contribute to something so true.
The only places I feel like I am able to do just this, is when I am performing my music, in my place of spiritual expression and when I am looking at my family (when they are silent or laughing and not pulling at me, :-D). My voice! Singing is both my gift and my curse.
My music is a place that gives me such fulfillment, but also so much torture, as any love does, I guess. I never knew that I was the artsy, fully-expressive and ridiculously sensitive person that I am, until I met up with a passion that grew in me from the time I was an infant. MUSIC! It is my savior and my tormentor. If I don’t express myself through music, I feel incomplete.
What really exacerbates my frustration is the “business” of music and the arts in general! The road to self-expression in this country is laced with daggers, acid, honey and golden seal. Okay, so you ask “why golden seal?” Well … if you’ve ever tasted golden seal, then you know it is one of the most bitter herbs on the face of this earth (exageration, but I swear its close) but it also is very cleansing; painfully cleansing. The shit you have to go through to get to have your outlet, to get your voice, or your craft experienced by others, is crazy! It just dirties a thing so raw and pure, straight from one’s spirit, directly tapping into the creation energy. But in a place intent on co-opting and stripping art down to basic beats, colors and movements, in order to mass produce and distribute pieces of shit, which were once perfection, all to get a pay check and to continue the mass production of brainwashing propaganda that keeps this country in business.
Okay, I am waaaayyy off my subject here, ranting about how much it sucks to be an artist in America, and around the world, for that matter! LOL! When I am simply trying to share my agonizing journey of accepting my place as an Artist; speaker of, for and to the people! It is such a noble and responsibility-laden job, but also a very brokededed profession. lol! broke in so many ways. But, this is just the beginning of a full emergence as an artist, keeper of tradition and culture, speaker of the people, for and to the people, and lover of life and love (if not a little bipolar, lol).
I told you it was a sea of emotions and thoughts. I hope you feel me on this or not, or at least read it (mostly, lol).
Peace, love and light fam.
i’ll be talkin to ya ….. on the stage ….. 😀 , cause its me …
Akua Allrich — Kyerematin!