“Afraid to forget” a poem …

Afraid to forget …
Akua Allrich © 2016

I was afraid to forget
feared loosing the memory
The rush of intense feeling it brought to my heart
Secretly hoped to hold on to the wanting of you
Hesitated to set free those young butterflies. Mariposas.
Their tickling flutter in my tummy at the sight of those eyes
the contract and release of muscles and breath upon a tender touch
or a magical exchange of words.

I feared loosing the memory of,
The feeling, love.
Passion
Desire
Anticipation
Secretly wanted to hide a bit of it
for those lonely human moments
The inevitable quality time with stress, pain, racing thoughts of Life to live,
That never-ending stream of results to achieve.

I was afraid to forget
loosing myself in that fantastic unreality,
Afraid I would no longer have it’s river of emotion to swim in
in my desert of life’s inevitable heartbreak
Even though …
heartache was the true companion of this covering of sweet and sour,
secretly, I didn’t mind. It was mine. I didn’t mind
until …

My heart told me I had to forget
She told me, I had to release this thing that was made
now an old secret feeling, all my own.
You’d left, and that was ok,
Because I still had what we made … secretly hoarded it
Stowed it away in hidden places
Pulled it out when life’s sweet was hard to reach …
But …
She told me I had to release it
Let free Butterflies. Mariposas.
and …
those ugly pretty wings flew
I have them no more to awaken and play.
They’ve gone with the westward winds
fully free …
and now she has rest, free of you
but …
at times I sulk in search of those sharp passions.
Search each pocket in my heart and find … only fragments. Pieces of faded emotion.

I find an easy heart
and I smile …
Because I did not want to …
Though I knew I would …
I was afraid to …